


Just a School Girl Crush

by ashleighjane



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-14 01:13:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7993180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleighjane/pseuds/ashleighjane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl discovers why Lapis was trapped in the mirror, and finally sees her feelings for Rose as what they really were - a schoolgirl crush</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Pearl’s hands and arms were submerged in hot soapy water as she scrubbed meticulously at a plate that was already squeaky clean. It was supposed to be calming her, but it was not working. Her whole body was tense. She wanted to scream and shout and maybe even cry. However, she was determined to be more composed than that. She was a Pearl. Pearl’s were not built to become emotional. They were built to work. Realising that the menial task was doing nothing to calm her as it usually did, Pearl began to hum the tune to the song that Steven had written. We Are the Crystal Gems. Bad decision. Thinking about Garnet and Amethyst only made her more tense. It was not until she heard them dripping into the water that she realised tears were trickling out of her eyes. “Oh, for goodness sake.” She berated herself as she pulled a sud covered arm out of the water to wipe the tears away. Pearl despised crying, but it seemed to be something she just couldn’t help. She cried when she was happy, sad, angry or worried. Sometimes it seemed like she was always crying. She sniffled a little before plunging her arms back into the water and scrubbing, this time at a mug. **  
**

“You alright, P?” Amethyst asked as she ran up to the draining board and jumped onto it. Once seated she began to swing her short legs back and forth. “You’ve been like this for hours. No days. Actually, I’m pretty sure you’ve been like this since Lapis left for Homeworld.” Amethyst snorted. “And you thought I was unobservant.”

“Yes. I am perfectly fine, Amethyst.” Pearl said, her voice shrill. The mug she had been washing cracked in her hand as she gripped it too tightly. “Would you please just get down from there, before you break something?” She swatted at Amethyst, causing soap to fly everywhere, some in Amethyst’s eyes.

“Ow. Watch it, Pearl” Amethyst grumbled as she rubbed at her eyes. “Geez. What did I ever do to you?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?” Pearl paused, for dramatic effect. “Oh, wait. That’s right. You don’t tell me anything. I suppose you and Garnet found it very amusing. I can just imagine you laughing at me behind my back.” She spat out, bitterly. “‘Oh haha, look at Pearl. She’s so dumb, she actually believed us when we told her we found that mirror at the Galaxy Warp’” Pearl waved her arms around as she shouted. “I can’t believe you lied to me Amethyst.” She said quietly, her voice cracking. “Garnet, yes. She does what she thinks she needs to do to keep us together. But you? I never thought…”

“Pearl, it was Rose. I mean, we helped. We knew. But we were only doing what she told us. I had only just met you. I was practically a gemling”

“Excuse me?”

“Rose trapped Lapis Lazuli in that mirror.”

“Why?”

“You made it pretty clear you were going to leave Earth with Lapis. I guess Rose didn’t want that to happen.” Amethyst said with a shrug.

“Oh.” Pearl smiled and placed a hand over her heart, which she had formed to know what it truly felt like to live as a human. “Well then. I guess that’s okay.” She placed one of her hands over a cheek, which has turned blue as she blushed.

“How does that make it okay?” Amethyst snarled. “She told us to lie to you Pearl. I mean, like, it’s okay for Rose to want to keep you grounded, but when you thought it was me and Garnet you practically have an aneurysm? Rose never loved you Pearl” Amethysts voice was suddenly full of malice. It had always bothered her how Pearl was so up Rose’s ass. "She didn’t keep you here for that.”

“Of course she didn’t. She kept me here in case we needed to fight again. She was such a wise leader.” Pearl entwined her slender fingers together and smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Lapis Lazuli thinks I helped trap her in that mirror. She thinks that for all those years that I treated that thing like an object, using it to remember the past, that I knew she in there. She must hate me. We were friends. We were … we were going to explore the galaxies together. Amethyst, am I a fool?”

“Damn right you are. Wait, what are you on about?”

“I fought all of those years for Rose. I thought if I could fight for her, risk my life for her, she would” Pearl broke of, not wanting to speak of her love her love for Rose. It still hurt,  even though she was beginning to realise it was just what humans called a schoolgirl crush “And then I met Lapis. I realised that what I felt for Rose was just infatuation. Lapis and I, we shared everything. Our deepest desires. Our biggest fears. It was wonderful.” Pearl’s eyes widened as she spoke of Lapis. Her lips formed a smile. It was a smile Amethyst had never even seen when Pearl had spoken of Rose on thousands of occasions. “ Then one day she was just gone.” The smiled slid from Pearl’s expression “I didn’t know what I had done. I assumed she had just left for the stars without me. I guessed I had just imagined our … friendship. Read too much into it.” Tears were now spurting out of Pearl’s eyes. “It destroyed me, even more than when Rose gave up her form. I always knew Rose didn’t love me back. And then when I found out that she had been in that mirror for all these years, and you knew. Can you imagine how that feels?”

“Pearl, it’s gonna be okay.” Amethyst said softly.

“No, Amethyst. Nothing will ever be okay again. I loved her. I loved Lapis. Rose took that away from me but refused to ever give me anything in return. I was a fool.”

“You weren’t a fool, P. We lied to you. You couldn’t have know. We’re … I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way about Lapis. I always thought she was a bitch.”

“I was a fool to ever think you cared about me. Why would you? All I ever do is berate you. Do you hate me? Did you think I was a,” Pearl lowered her voice to say her following word “a bitch too? Is that why you did it?”

“No” Amethyst shouted. “We did it because we you love you. We wanted to keep you. It was selfish.”

Pearl inhaled deeply and let the breath out again, not wanting to fight, before wrapping her arms around her body and seeming to shrink into herself, “What’s done is done. It was a long time ago, I’m over it.” Pearl turned away from Amethyst, and walked towards the door, heading for her room. She didn’t want Amethyst to see her face, full of pain.  She didn’t want to hurt Amethyst by making her feel guilty. She had clearly been doing what she had thought was right at the time. They had all followed Rose blindly. Pearl began to wonder if Rose was ever the good guy, or if everything she ever did was purely selfish.

“P, you’re not gonna take this out on the little man, are you?” Amethyst asked, just before Pearl walked through the door.

“What? No. Of course not. He isn’t Rose. Steven is a much, much better Gem than Rose ever was.” Pearl said proudly, knowing that she had a part in bringing up Steven and making him who he was.

* * *

 

The days following Pearl’s revelation to Amethyst left a quiet atmosphere in the Crystal Gem’s abode. Amethyst, usually the life and soul of the party, alongside Steven, had become very withdrawn. Steven didn’t understand why. Amethyst chose not to tell her friends what had happened, deciding that it was something only Pearl should speak about. Steven had tried to coerce Amethyst into playing slapsies, but she had declined. “Nah, not today Ste-man.”

“Aww” Steven whined. “Why not?”

Amethyst gave a quick shrug, her shoulders barely moving. “I’m just not feeling it.”  Amethyst tried to play it cool, not wanting to let Steven know that she was torn up with guilt for something that she, Garnet and Rose had done so many years ago. She had been young at the time, and hadn’t really known what she was doing. She had just been following Rose’s lead, and certainly hadn’t known how Pearl felt about Lapis. Still, she had still played her part in it. She had still hurt Pearl, something she never wanted to do. She knew that she always irritated Pearl with everything she did. She couldn’t seem to help it. From her messy room to her unsymmetrical clothing to her love for human food; it all irritated or disgusted Pearl. Amethyst didn’t mind that. In fact, she found it fun and often went out of her way to annoy Pearl, like the time she ate a plate. Hurting her, though, was completely different. Pearl was her friend. Right then, knowing that she had selfishly caused her friend so much pain, Amethyst felt like the worst being on Earth.

Steven didn’t give up easily though. He began to poke Amethyst, who was curled up in a ball on the sofa, repeatedly. “Please?” He begged, elongating the word. Amethyst felt herself thrown in the air a little as Steven began to bounce up and down.

“God, Steven. When did you get so annoying?”

“When did you get so boring?” Steven retorted, sticking his tongue out.

“I just don’t want to play slapsies. It’d only end in tears anyways.” Amethyst flicked Steven on the nose, before rolling off the sofa and strolling over to the Temple doors. “Later, Steven.”

She had intended to go to her own room, to spend some time wallowing in her own sorrow. She just wanted to alone with her trash piles. Somehow, she found them soothing.

Amethyst blinked a couple of times when, instead of her own organized mess, she walked into Pearl’s room of cascading waterfalls. She had not been expecting that. “Whoa,” She murmured to herself, not quite sure why the Temple had given her the door to Pearl’s room. At first, she was just going to jump into one of the towers of water and slide right on down to her own room, perhaps swiping a couple of Pearl’s cool swords as she went. It wasn’t like Pearl needed so many. Then she happened to look up and see Pearl. Pearl hadn’t seen Amethyst. She was perched upon the edge of one of her water tubes. Her whole body was hunched up and she held her head in her hands.  Amethyst wasn’t certain, but she thought she could see Pearl’s shoulders shaking, as she sobbed. Pearl had been holed up in her room for days. Was this all she had been doing? Amethyst had expected her to be organizing her swords, or at least something productive to take her mind off of things. She hadn’t been expecting her to be almost comatose.

With a sigh, Amethyst took two huge leaps, bringing her next to Pearl. She sat next to her and placed an arm around her shoulders.  "Pearl?“ She asked, uncertainly. She had thought perhaps she should just leave Pearl to sort through her own mess, but it had been days now and was having an effect on the house. Plates from Steven’s dinners were piled up to the ceiling. That’s what Pearls a for, right? Amethyst thought, jokingly, to herself as she tried to deny the fact that actually, she just missed her friend. "You okay?”

Pearl didn’t remove her head from her hands. She didn’t bother to try to look at Amethyst. Her body did relax a little. “Amethyst.” She said softly, without the anger that Amethyst had expected. “Do you know why I made my room the way it is?”

“I dunno.” Amethyst said quickly, her words merging together.

“Then I suppose I’ll educate you.” Pearl removed her arms from her head and placed one of her hands into the top of water, her fingertips just skimming it.  "The water reminded me of her. Isn’t it so amazing, the control she has over water?“

"Yeah, it is amazing how she kicked our butts.”

Pearl shrunk away from Amethyst slightly. “Well, what do you expect? You did trap her in a mirror for hundreds of years.”

Amethyst bit her lip and let out a groan.  "I’m sorry. Rose convinced me it was the right thing to do. She said if you left, you would never come back. I didn’t wanna lose you.“ Amethyst removed her arm from Pearl’s shoulders. "You hate me, don’t you? Hell,  who am I kiddin’? You hated me before any of this.”

“I want to. I really, really want to hate you so much that I could remove you from my life the way one would remove a mess from the bottom of their shoes.” Pearl had begun to blush now, but that was nothing new. Making Pearl blush was so easy that it had always been a favorite game of Amethyst’s, much to Pearl’s annoyance. “I don’t. I can’t. I never have.” Pearl ran a hand down the length of her face, then rubbed at her eyes. “I know that I’m hard on you sometimes Amethyst, but it is not because I hate you. It’s because I care about you. Unfortunately, I can’t just turn that off because of a mistake you made a few hundred years ago.”

“P, I think you need to get out of this room. Everyone is so weird without you. Garnet is practically mute. Steven, well, Steven has turned into an annoying brat.”

“Steven has always had a tendency to be an annoying brat.” Pearl turned her head slightly to look at Amethyst, a sly glint in her eye. “You just didn’t see it because you’re usually busy being one also.”

Amethyst smirked, then slammed a fist down into the water, causing Pearl to get a soaking as the water crashed back down. “Oh” Pearl gasped as she leaped up. “Amethyst! Why do you have to be so insufferable?"Pearl tried her best to sound irritated. She placed a hand over her lips, holding back a giggle, before pirouetting, kicking a large amount of water over Amethyst as she did so.  It was too much for Pearl, looking at the bedraggled Amethyst. Amethyst’s hair, usually so fluffy was so saturated that it had flattened against her head and face. It was the scowl that did it though. Pearl, who usually tried to be the sensible one  allowed a few laughs to escape, but once she started she couldn’t stop. Eventually she collapsed to the floor in giggles. "Oh, Amethyst.” She managed to gasp between laughs. “I’m so sorry, but this is just priceless.” Pearl couldn’t understand how she found is so easy to laugh. She was supposed to be sad. She was supposed to be mourning what she could have had with Lapis. She realised she could never have that though. It had always been a fantasy, really. Pearl, ever the fantasist, never did see what was easily within her grasp. She had always know Rose didn’t love her, so she wanted her to. She had known that exploring the galaxies with Lapis would never really happen, so having her on Earth hadn’t been good enough.

Once she had calmed down, Pearl dragged herself up, though the occasional giggle still escaped.

“P, why do we never have fun anymore?”

“I have no idea, but it is great, isn’t it? When did we stop?”

“I think it was right around the time Rose … right around the time Steven was born.”

“Well, that does sound about right. One of us had to be responsible, and it was never going to be you.”

“Hell no.” Amethyst chuckled. “Hey, P? Steven is kinda grown up now. Maybe you don’t need to be so stuck up … I mean responsible anymore.”

“Hmm” Pearl placed a hand upon her chin, in the classic thinking pose. “Maybe you are right. But, I’m not sure how. Amethyst, you’re an expert on being irresponsible. How does one be irresponsible?”

“You could always start with being cool about the mess the house is in.” Amethyst said, smoothly.

“What? Amethyst, what did you do?"

“It wasn’t just me. It was Steven too.”

Pearl sighed. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t handle.” Pearl leaped gracefully over to the temple door. Amethyst followed.

Pearl gasped as she took in the sight of the house. Clothes were strewn all over the floor. The sink was piled high. Many dirty plates hadn’t even been taken to the sink. “Amethyst” Pearl screeched. “I was gone for a few days. How did you … Oh, this is awful. This just won’t do. This is ridiculous. This is Steven’s room, Amethyst. You can’t go treating it like you own personal … you can’t treat Steven’s room in the same way that you treat yours.”

Amethyst shrugged. “It’s no biggie. Steven don’t care. What happened to being irresponsible.”

“Well, there’s being irresponsible and there’s being a slob. Oh, why do I let you get me so flustered? It’s not like you ever listen.”

Amethyst laughed. “Heh, it’s ‘cuz you luuuurve me.” Amethyst turned, and ran for the Temple door, returning to her own room before Pearl could take out any anger on her.

Pearl just shook her head, and said to herself. “Nothing will ever change.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first half of this chapter is kind of a flashback, and will become clear towards the end.
> 
> The second half is purely flashback.
> 
> I actually wrote all of this around a year ago before much was known about Lapis, and this fanfiction is based around headcanons so her backstory will not match up with the show.

Pearl lay against the sand, looking up into the night sky. It was a cloudless evening, and every single star was glowing brightly. There were no street lights to mar the sight, electricity on Earth had not even been invented. It was just spectacular the way the stars shimmered, almost looking as though they were dancing just for them. Pearl stretched an arm out, pointing to the brightest star in the sky. "That one is Sirius. Better known as the Dog Star. It's twenty times brighter than the sun. It hardly seems possible, does it?" Pearl's voice was animated as she shared her knowledge of the stars. She gently squeezed the hand that rested inside of hers, "I'm sorry. You don't want to know all of this."

"No, actually, I do. It reminds me of home, when you talk about the stars." Lapis returned Pearl's squeeze. "Maybe we could return to Homeworld, now the war is over."

A scared whimper escaped from Pearl's lips. "We won a battle, Lapis. We did not win a war. All of the things that were happening on the Homeworld when we left will still be occurring. Nothing ever changes. If I ever return, I will be nothing again. I will be just another Pearl."

Lapis shook her head. "No. That's not true. You're not just a Pearl. You are Pearl. And I am Lapiz Lazuli, and nothing is going to keep me trapped on this planet."

"We cannot go back to Homeworld. We just can't. You must be able to see that." Pearl said in a forbidding tone. "I won't let you. It's just too soon."

Lapis murmured in agreement. "Yes, perhaps you are right. But we could still…"

"Explore the galaxies?" Pearl finished Lapis' sentence, her eyes widening with excitement.

Lapis nodded. "I didn't know you could read minds."

"You're right. Reading minds if not one of my specialties." Pearl replied seriously, not realising that Lapis had been joking. "You mean, you would explore the galaxies with me? You weren't just trying to use me to fix the Galaxy Warp so you could get home?" Pearl sounded relieved as she said this.

"What? No. Why would you even think that?"

"I'm just a Pearl." Pearl replied softly. "Until I met Rose, I was only ever wanted until my purpose had been served."

Lapis let go of Pearl's hand and turned over, twisting onto her stomach. She rested her elbows on the ground, and rested her chin in the cupped palms of her hand. In that position she could look up at Pearl, straight into her eyes. "For someone so clever, you can be so very stupid sometimes."

"Excuse me?" Pearl said harshly, offended by having her intelligence questioned.

"I have known many Pearls in my lifetime, and you're not like any Pearl I've ever met. For one, pearls don't give orders."

"I only gave orders because I was Rose's second in command. She needed me to -"

"No, any other pearl would have only repeated Rose's orders. Left to think for themselves, any other pearl would have just retreated into their gem. You were resourceful and strategic. You were ruthless. You're the reason I decided to join the Crystal Gems. I looked into your eyes, and I just knew you were going to win. I looked into your eyes and I knew you were no ordinary Pearl."

"How?" Pearl asked, in a whisper.

"Love. I saw love. Love is the most powerful thing, across all worlds. Love is also something no pearl I ever saw was capable of. That is how I knew."

For a while, they were both silent. as they thought about the battle that had brought them together. How brutal it had been, to see so many gems killed; to have killed so many gems; to have been on the brink of death themselves too many times to count. It was Lapis who broke the silence. "Pearl, when I changed sides, Jasper told me I was being a coward. She said that I could see that you were going to win. Was she right? Am I a coward?"

"No. You were smart. Strategically, it was the correct thing to do."

"Pearl, I'm not talking about strategy. I just want to know how you feel about it."

"I personally would rather have died than fight for something I did not believe in. But you didn't believe in either side, did you? You were forced to pick between two sides that you didn't care about. So, no, you are not a coward. You simply know when to pick your battles."

Lapis nodded. "You explained it even better than I could. You do realise that in the end I was fighting for you, don't you?"

Pearl blushed. "I … did not realise this."

"So wise, yet so foolish." Lapis turned onto her back again, to look out at the stars. "So, how long do you think it will be before we will be up there, with the stars?"

"I should think that one week will be adequate time for me to repair the Galaxy Warp."

"I don't need the Galaxy Warp, you know. I could just fly."

"That's true. Are you trying to say that you would rather I didn't come with you? I suppose I do really have a lot of things to finish off on Earth, anyway." Pearl tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

"I meant that I don't need you to come with me. I want you to."

Pearl was silent as tears welled up in her eyes.

The scene faded out as the sleeping Pearl's gem began to project Pearl battling with a giant, dirty, walking plate. This was clearly just a dream, and not based from any real memory. Pearl had fallen asleep on Steven's bed, curled up into a tight ball, exhausted from tidying up Amethyst's mess.

"Seriously?" Amethyst said. "It was just getting to the good part."

"Amethyst." Garnet said sternly. "This is not something to joke about."

Amethyst looked up at Garnet, her eyes full of sadness. She had only joked to try to hide what she was really feeling. Guilt."What did we do? Do you think there's anyway we could bring Lapis Lazuli back? Or at least let her know Pearl had no idea?"

"No."

"But-"

"I said no." Garnet said firmly, stopping Amethyst before she could say any more. "What's done is done. It would only cause more pain. Pearl has changed a lot since then."

Amethyst turned and walked towards the Temple door, muttering to herself about the fact that there wasn't supposed to be a leader.

Garnet picked up a spare blanket from the bottom of Steven's bed and wrapped it gently around Pearl. "I am so sorry." She said softly. Of course, gems did not feel hot or cold but Steven, the expert on the matter, had told Garnet that sleeping under a blanket made people feel more comfortable. It made them feel safe.

Garnet looked down at Pearl as she snoozed, wondering if Amethyst was right; wondering if perhaps she did make too many decisions on behalf of her friends; wondering if she had just carried on where Rose had finished.

****

Most Gems would not have attempted to fix the Galaxy Warp. Its technology was complicated, The Warp was Gem powered and therefore, in a manner of speaking, partly alive. No Gem truly understood how the Warps worked, they just did. Fortunately, Pearl was not like most Gems. In fact, she was often told that she was unlike any other Pearl too, but she didn't see it.

Pearl had been working on the Galaxy Warp for four days straight. The tightening of bolts and connecting wires was not taxing work, but the Warp refused to show any signs of actually being salvageable and Pearl was becoming tired and frustrated. There was no longer any sign of physical damage to the Warp, causing Pearl to be unsure as to why it refused to activate.

She started down at the Warp. The fingers of one of her hands were pressed firmly against her lips as she racked her brain, trying to think what the problem could be. The thought most prominent in her mind was that she was the problem. She was just a useless Pearl. She was made to look pretty, not repair things.

"Pearl, what's wrong?" Lapis had been watching Pearl work for the past several hours. She had been silent as she did so, in awe of Pearl and not wanting to disturb her. But seeing Pearl stop, looking flummoxed, worried and disappointed Lapis as the thought that Pearl was unable to fix the Galaxy Warp entered her mind.

"I can't do it." Pearl said softly. "I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise. At least you tried." Lapis had been flying above Pearl, hovering as she watched her work with a birds-eye view. She now landed next to Pearl, gracefully, and placed a hand gingerly on her shoulder. "It was a big ask."

"I should have known. I'm just a Pearl. I should have known I couldn't do this. I shouldn't have gotten your hopes up." Pearl looked down, not wanting to look at Lapis.

"Don't be silly, Pearl. You had your hopes up too. Besides, I believe in you. I think you'll figure it out eventually."

Pearl shrugged, causing Lapis' hand to slip from her shoulder. "I'm glad you have so much belief in me." Pearl's tone was sharp and full of sarcasm. "Believing something doesn't make it true. You always have given me too much credit." Pearl snapped at Lapis, frustrated that she refused to see that it was over, their dreams dashed. "Oh, I'm sorry." She said, pulling Lapis into a hug and resting her chin on her shoulder. "I'm not angry at you. I'm just … it's just I wanted this so much."

"I know." Lapis didn't show any outward emotion to Pearl's outburst, knowing without Pearl telling her that Pearl was upset at her own failure, not angry at Lapis herself. Lapis wriggled out of Pearl's tight hug and moved closer to the Warp, crouching down to it so she could see better. She brushed her fingers against it lightly. "It's strange. It looks so perfect on the outside. Why won't it work?"

"That's exactly what - Oh!" Pearl cried out. "On the outside. Of course." She climbed up onto the warp pad and gave it too hard taps with her foot. "How could I have been so stupid?" In a frenzy Pearl got down on all four of her limbs and scrabbled at the edge of the pad. Eventually she found the groove that she had been looking for and pulled up the floor of the warp pad. She stood up again and smiled warmly at Lapis. "Thank you, Lapis." Pearl peered into the cavernous gap she had uncovered. It was far bigger than she had imagined. "Oh my. It's a mess under here. This could take me a while."

"I could help."

Pearl couldn't help but let out a derisive snort when Lapis offered her assistance. "I don't think so. You would only hold me up."

Lapis frowned, but ducked her head down, trying to hide her disappointment from Pearl.

However, though Pearl could appear callous sometimes, she never meant it. She just sometimes forgot how her words could make people feel. About to jump into the centre of the warp, she halted when she realised she had upset Lapis. "I'm sorry, Lapis. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I only meant that, well, I mean what do you know about engineering?"

"Nothing. But I would like to learn. I know it will slow things down, but I would like you to teach me."

"Oh,I," Pearl, flustered, began to blush deeply. "Well come on then." She held out a hand to help Lapis climb up onto the dismantled pad. "Just this once."

Working with Lapis did hold Pearl up and she took the time to show her things, and explain things to her. However, the work would have been much more tedious if she had gone in solo.

In each other's company they lost track of the hours, perhaps even days as they worked.

When the work was complete and the galaxy warp flooring back in place, Pearl beamed at Lapis. "I think we've done it. At least, the lights are back on. No one is home yet though" She reached into her own Gem, and retrieved another Pearl from it, which she handed to Lapis.

"You can store Gems in there?" Surprise was etched into Lapis' face.

"Anything I want actually. It's a perk of being a Pearl. I get to carry the things that other Gems can't be bothered to."

"And you're okay with using another Pearl to power the warp pad?"

"Of course. Any Pearl would be honored to b we given such an important role. You must remember, Lapis, that most Pearls are not like me"

Pearl gestured for Lapis to step off the warp pad with her. She pointed to a small gap in the front of the pad. "Just pop it in, right here."

Lapis did as she was told. For a couple of seconds nothing happened and the pair looked at each other awkwardly. "Well", Pearl said. "I'm sure I've done nothing wrong. This warp pad must just be -" Pearl stopped speaking as a bright flash of light encompassed the warp. Pearl's eyes widened and an excited laugh escaped her lips. "We did it." She turned to Lapis and grabbed both of her hands before repeating herself. "We did it. We fixed the Galaxy Warp. We did it, Lapis."

Before either of them knew what was happening they were both jumping up and down screaming "We did it.", over and over.

This continued for several seconds, until Lapis pulled Pearl into a hug and unfurled her wings. They ascended into the air, Lapis twirling them around as they did so.

Pearl let out a small squawk. "What are you doing?"

"This" Lapis replied before hooking her arms around Pearls neck and pulling her closer. She placed her lips upon Pearl's and kissed her softly.

Pearl froze, not returning the kiss, but not stopping it either. It was okay though. Lapis clearly knew what to do, and continued to move her lips against the other Gem's, until Pearl, finally regaining her senses, pulled her head away. "What was that?" She hissed.

"A kiss." Lapis replied, getting to the point

"I know that. But I don't understand. Why? Because we fixed the warp? It was just in the heat of the moment, yes? It won't happen again?"

"I had been planning on it for a while. Did you not enjoy it?"

"Well, yes." Pearl giggled slightly as she began to blush. "I just don't understand why you would want to do that to ... to a Pearl."

"I love you"

"Oh." Pearl blushed even more deeply than she had been before. "This was unexpected."

"I thought it was pretty obvious. "

"I," Pearl hesitated and cleared her throat. "I'm not always the best at reading other people's emotions. Can we, um, could you please land us. I'm starting to feel quite nauseous

Lapis nodded and began to descend at high velocity, causing Pearl to squeal.

When they reached ground again, Pearl was wobbly on her legs. Lapis placed a hand on the small of her back to support her.

"Never do that again." Pearl said, pausing after each word. "The flying, I mean. The kissing is acceptable."

Lapis looked up at Pearl with tears swimming in her eyes. "I was so scared."

"Of what?" Pearl asked, confused.

"That you wouldn't feel the same way."

"Oh" Pearl whispered. "I know how that feels."


	3. Chapter 3

Garnet entered the Big Donut, and let the door slam shut behind her. The whole building shook a little as it closed. Garnet winced. She hadn't meant to do that. Sometimes she forgot her own strength. Lars, who had been listening to music through his phone, opened one eye to see who had made such an entrance.

Garnet glanced around, relaxing slightly once she saw that the place was void of people save for the two humans that Steven called his friends, their names slipping her mind. The female human who had been leaning over the counter, looking bored, jumped to attention. "Welcome to the Big Donut." Her voice had no infliction. It seemed to be something she had been trained to say, like a robot. Garnet didn't understand these human customs. A simple 'hello' would have been just fine.

The male human who had been lounging against the wall, apparently unable to stand unaided, had his arms folded and didn't appear to be doing much. He looked at Garnet lazily out of one eye. He suddenly came to life, walking towards Garnet, getting a little too close. "You're Garnet, right? Steven told me about you, but he never said you were … I'm Lars," He finished lamely, his cheeks turning red as Sadie shot him a look of annoyance.

Garnet pushed Lars away from her a little. "Hi." She said levelly, showing little interest in Lars. She had enough of Jamie's infatuation with her, and was not about to allow another one to start "Get me some donuts." She addressed Sadie. She paused for a moment, her mouth frozen open as she realised that was probably not an acceptable thing to say. She was unused to the way humans brought things. "Please." She added awkwardly.

Sadie frowned, but then shrugged and nodded. "Sure. What kind?"

This was not a question Garnet had been prepared for. If she had known purchasing things would be so difficult she would not have bothered. She thought hard on it, before finally replying. "Whatever Steven has."

Lars snickered before returning behind the counter. He opened up the display cabinet then gestured towards Sadie to do the rest. Sadie glared at him, but then sighed and acquiesced. She reached in and picked out one donut of every flavour.

Once the donuts were laid out on a tray Garnet removed her visor. "Steven eats all of these in one go?"

Sadie and Lars nodded in unison.

"Whoa. That's a lot of donuts." Garnet replaced her visor, then picked up one of the donuts and turned it over in her hands, examining it, then placed it back on the tray.

Sadie shrugged. "I guess. But he says he's a growing boy."

"No. He's a greedy little boy." Garnet reached into one of her gems and pulled out a wad of dollars, which she handed to Sadie. She picked up the tray of donuts and headed for the door.

Sadie counted the dollars and glanced at Lars, looking slightly guilty. "Should we…"

"No way." He hissed. " Are you crazy? Finders keepers, losers weepers."

"She didn't exactly lose it."

"Who cares?" he said nonchalantly, putting his ear plugs back in and resuming listening to his music.

Sadie pulled on of Lars' earplugs out. "I'm giving her the change. There's a thousand dollars here. We can't take this."

"B -but who will watch the store while you're gone?" Lars stuttered.

"You, Lars, you."

"But I don't know how…"

"Then learn."

Running, It only took Sadie a couple of minutes to catch up with Garnet. She was a little flushed and out of breath when she did. "Garnet" She called out, once in hearing distance.

"Huh?" Garnet turned slowly. She stopped, and waited for Sadie to reach her.

"You gave me too much money." Sadie puffed, as she tried to regain her breath. She waved around three quarters of the notes she had been given in front of Garnet. "Lars told me to keep it, but it didn't feel right."

"Keep it. I have no interest in money." Garnet spun on her heels, and made to walk away from Sadie.

"I don't think Mr. Universe would appreciate you giving all this money away." Sadie sounded uncertain as she said this. Garnet had just given her a month's worth of wages. Why was she trying to talk her out of it?

"That money does not belong to Greg." Garnet said, sounding offended.

"But Steven said his dad looks after the money side of things. Since you're too busy to worry about that."

"I have ways of earning money?"

"Really? How?"

"You really don't want to know."

"I can't keep this."

"Whatever". Garnet held out her hand for the money. Sadie placed it in her hand, but was reluctant to let go of it.

"What's with all the donuts anyway? Steven told me you don't need to eat."

"Humans are nosey. Steven talks too much."

"Gems are rude" Sadie muttered to herself, though apparently not quietly enough.

"Excuse me?" Garnet shouted, sounding angry. She was mostly angry because she knew that Sadie was correct. Of all the Gems, she was the least adapted to human courtesies. She paused and inhaled deeply, as she decided it was time to learn.

"Nothing." Sadie said quickly, realising that she had gone too far. What Steven and the other Crystal Gems got up to was none of her business, really.

"Things are a little tense between me and the other Gems at the moment. I thought the donuts might help."

Sadie raised an eyebrow

"I know, you're right. It's a stupid idea." She looked down at the donuts, frowned, then handed them back to Sadie. "Keep them. They were a bad idea."

Sadie, bemused, took the donuts back, "I never said that they were a stupid idea.,"

"You thought it."

"You can read minds?"

"Steven didn't tell you? I'm amazed." Garnet said with a hint of mischief playing in her voice as she alluded to the fact that Steven seemed to have shared every aspect of her life with Sadie. Garnet, of course, didn't read minds. She had used her future vision, something she was not going to try to explain to a human.

"What is going on with you anyway? Steven seemed kind of down yesterday."

"Steven wants to believe that everything is black and white. He wants to believe that people are good or bad. Millennia ago I played a part in something that has forced him to see that sometimes there is no black and white, or good and bad. There is only grey." Garnet paused as she thought how best to put what was happening into words. It was difficult, "Pearl is upset with me because of the actions I took part in. Amethyst is angry at me because I am the leader of the Crystal Gems. They all look up to me, so whenever anything goes wrong I am always the one who is looked to for answers. Sometimes, like now, I get all of the blame. I wish that they would stop and realise that I don't always know everything. They force me to act like I do. I wish they would realise that sometimes I need them to tell me that I am wrong. I wish that they would realise that I don't want to be their leader. I just want to be their friend." Realising that she had begun to cry, Garnet removed her visor and wiped her tears away. She didn't' have time for crying. It didn't solve anything.

"Then maybe you should tell them that. It would probably work better than donuts."

Garnet gave a watery smile. "Probably."

As Garnet walked back to the Temple, she thought that humans weren't as stupid as she had thought they were. It was odd that she didn't always know how to express her feelings when she herself was a feeling. She thought that perhaps it was because Ruby and Sapphire didn't need to put their feelings into words, they could just sense them. When it came to putting her own feelings for others into words, she just didn't know how.

****

Amethyst lay on the sofa, resting her head against Pearl's shoulder. Her fluffy lavender hair spread over Pearl, almost hiding half of her lissom body. This was something that she hadn't felt comfortable doing for such a long time, but now it just seemed okay. She didn't understand. She had expected Pearl's realization about what had happened to Lapis to completely destroy what was left of their relationship, but instead they seemed to be closer. Perhaps it was because Amethyst no longer had anything to hide from Pearl. Pearl had however, not been so forgiving to Garnet. Amethyst just didn't get Pearl sometimes. She could be so unpredictable. It reminded her of how she could be cold and icy towards her one minute, then be telling her that she thought the world of her the next.

Pearl had been hesitant to allow the intimacy at first, stiffening and letting out a groan of displeasure. "Amethyst, what are you…" But then she had warmed to the purple gem, and relaxing a little rested her chin on top of Amethyst's head.

After a little while of this, she lifted her own head, and began to run her fingers through Amethyst's hair, gently. Amethyst closed her eyes and began to doze off.

"I'm so glad you let your hair lengthen, even if it is impractical. It suits you so much better than that pageboy style you had before we met Greg."

Amethyst opened one eye, Pearl's voice pulling her out of her slumber. "P, was that meant to be a compliment?" She slurred, her tiredness causing her speech to be inhibited

"Well, yes." Pearl said, almost questioningly. Amethyst guessed that Pearl was blind to the fact that it could be perceived as anything else. She meant well.

"Thanks, I guess."

"Did I say something wrong? "

"No. It's just, do you actually think about what you're going to say before you say it?"

Pearl hummed, actually having to ponder over Amethyst's question. "Of course. You can't say anything without thinking it first."

Amethyst snorted, "Well, duh, brainiac. I meant do you think about how what you say might sound to other people? 'Cuz if I didn't know you, I probably would have punched you in the face just then."

"Amethyst!" Pearl shouted, alongside a gasp. "I don't understand. I - I don't…" Pearl stammered, as she became flustered. "Have I upset you in some way? I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." She spoke quickly, her sentences all splurging into one huge mess.

"P, relax. I'm just playin'. I swear you have no chill."

"Well" Pearl huffed. "What do you expect, when you insist on this 'playin''?" Pearl mimicked how Amethyst said the word. "I really thought I had hurt you in some way, Amethyst. Don't you realise how that feels? To think that you have hurt someone you … care about?"

Amethyst sat up and twisted her head to look at Pearl. "I" Amethyst's voice caught, and any words she had been about to say became lost. Amethyst was unable to bring herself to open up to Pearl, not wanting to bring up old wounds.

"I'll take that as a no, then." Peal said curtly.

"Way to go, P. Only you could ruin a nice moment so perfectly." Amethyst snapped at Pearl before sliding off the sofa and starting to stalk over to the Temple door with her arms folded and shoulders slumped. She felt a hand upon her shoulder, stopping her in her tracks. Pearl never stopped her after an argument. She always just let her walk away and do her thing. Amethyst wondered if it was because really, Pearl didn't care.

"Please wait." Pearl pleaded. "I'm not good at this. Everything always comes out wrong. Please just come back. We don't even have to talk. We could just sit."

Amethyst pondered for a moment then gave a small nod. "Yeah, you not talking is probably the best idea you've had since … ever."

"Amethyst." Pearl sighed.

"No talking." Amethyst cut in as she sat back on the sofa.

Pearl opened her mouth, about to say something, but then stopped as her shoulders stooped dejectedly. She resumed her spot on the sofa, this time as far away from Amethyst as possible. Amethyst guessed this meant that if Pearl wasn't allowed to talk, she didn't get to use her as a head rest. Well, she thought, that's fine. Pearl made a sucky cushion anyway.

It became a battle of minds, to see who could remain silent the longest. Amethyst was good at holding a grudge. Pearl was good at clearing her mind and finding something else to focus on. They could both be stubborn. They stayed in awkward silence for the best part of an hour, occasionally glancing at each other, trying to figure out who would break first.

Pearl shot a sidewards glance at Amethyst, at the same time Amethyst had chosen to steal a glance at Pearl. Their eyes locked. A small smile played on Pearl's lips.

Amethyst threw hers arms up in the air. "Ugh, this is stupid."

"I wasn't going to say anything but, now that you mention it, yes, this is stupid."

Amethyst narrowed her eyes at Pearl.

"Ame, I was joking."

"You … you've never called me that before. And since when do you make jokes?" Amethyst stuttered, surprised at how nice it felt to hear Pearl use a pet name. She wondered if Pearl felt the same when she called her P, or if it just served it's original purpose of irritating her.

"Is that not okay?" Worried, her voice rose an octave

"No, sure. It's fine." Amethyst said with a shrug.

"Ame, I know that I shut you down earlier. I am sorry. I was just afraid that you were about to tell me something that I didn't want to hear. Please, tell me what you were going to say."

"I don't want to talk about it."

Pearl groaned as she placed a hand over her gem and dragged it down the length of her face. "How do you expect us to be friends if you won't even talk to me?"

"That's just it. I don't want us to be friends."

"What? But I thought … we've been getting on so much better recently."

"You asked if I've ever hurt someone I care about. I have P. I hurt you, all the time. I hurt you just by existing. Every time you look at me, I remind you of everything you fought to stop. And then everything with Lapis, that hurt you. It hurt me that I had hurt you. So yes, I know what it feels like to hurt someone I care about. Believe it or not, it's one thing I know more about than you."

Pearl clenched her teeth together as tears swam in her eyes. "No. Every time I look at you, I see everything I fought for. You're free. Free to make your own choices. That is all I, all Rose and I, ever wanted. As for Lapis, yes, it hurt. But you didn't hurt me. I don't blame you."

"Then who?"

"Rose. I loved her. Part of me still does, and I suppose it always will. However, I can see now that she was never as perfect as I liked to think. She was flawed. Like me. And like you. We all make mistakes. My mistake is that ever since Rose left us, I have pushed you away. I pushed you away because I was scared I would lose you too."

"You'll never lose me."

"If I have learned anything from my time on Earth, it's that nothing lasts forever, not even love."

"Whoa. When did we start talking about love?" Amethyst smirked.

"Amethyst, please don't make this more difficult than it has to be."

"Make what more difficult?"

Pearl looked down at her knees, awkwardly. "I'm not blind to your feelings. I am aware of how you feel about me. I try to ignore it because ..."

"Because you still love Lapis." Amethyst said quietly, sad but not bitter.

"No. I've changed since then. From our last meeting, she has changed too. I just feel that since we never got to say goodbye, to feel for someone else in the same way I felt about her would be a betrayal. For so many years I thought that she had simply left me. It hurt, but I got over it. Now that I know the truth I don't know how to feel." Pearl's voice shook as she was on the verge of tears.

"Hey." Amethyst draped an arm around Pearl's shoulders. "No one expects you to know how to feel. What me and Garnet let Rose do sucked. If someone did that to me, I'd want to fight them. Poof them, even. Or at least run away. You're still here. We can't ask for more than that."

Pearl cupped a hand gently along Amethyst's jawline, and looked directly into her eyes. "I just need time."

Upon hearing the door click open, Pearl dropped her hand from Amethyst's face. Both of them turned to see who had dared to spoil their moment.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No." They both blurted out at the same time. They shared a guilty glance, both wondering when they started lying to Garnet.

"Good. We need to talk."

"Great." Amethyst muttered.

"Do we have a choice in the matter?" Pearl asked, her voice crisp.

"No." Garnet's answer was firm as she planted herself on the sofa between Pearl and Amethyst, her long legs at angles, pushing them further apart.

“Is this gonna be quick? Cos we were actually kinda busy.” Amethyst spoke first after a few moments of awkward silence.

“Amethyst! Don’t be so rude.” Pearl was surprised at Amethyst’s attitude. She was used to Amethyst speaking to her in such a manner, but to address Garnet in that way was just crazy.

“What?” Amethyst shrugged. “It’s not like you’re not mad at her too.” She folded her arms and turned her head, looking away from Garnet. “Then she just bursts in here acting like nothing’s even wrong.” 

“Even so, there’s no need to be -”

“Pearl.” Garnet interrupted, holding up a hand. “Amethyst isn’t wrong.”

Amethyst’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped slightly when she heard Garnet say this. 

“Things need to change. I make too many decisions. Rose made too many decisions, because we expected her to. Ruby and Sapphire were too busy getting to know each other for me to be smart enough to question Rose. Amethyst had not long left the Kindergarten. She did not know better. Rose was ultimately being selfish, but convinced herself it was best for the Crystal Gems. Pearl, I am sorry that I was too wrapped up in myself to pay attention. I did not realise your feelings for Lapis. Had I done so, I would have stopped Rose. We cannot change the past. But we can change the future. No more lies. No more secrets. No more expecting me to have all the answers. We need to start acting like a team. Do we agree."

Pearl nodded. 

"Wow." Amethyst said, drawing the word out.

"What?" Pearl and Garnet said at the same time.

"I've never heard you talk so much."

Garnet smiled, but then her expression became neutral "Don't get used to it." She said soberly. "Pearl, I have found a way to communicate with Lapis. Shall I ask her to come back?"

Pearl frowned slightly. "I don't know. Do you think that is really a good idea? She was quite angry."

"This isn't my decision to make."

"No, of course not."

"I think you should do it." Amethyst sighed. "I never liked Lapis much, but we owe her an explanation.

"Pearl?" Garnet asked. "This is something only you can decide."

"I would like a chance to explain what happened."

Garnet nodded. "Okay." Without another word, Garnet stood up from the sofa and used the warp pad to go back to her room.

"Thank you." Pearl said to Amethyst.

"For what?"

"For being okay with this."

Amethyst laughed. "I'm not. I'm not okay with any of this. I'm just not going to stand in your way. Not again."


End file.
